why oh why do I bother?

August 30, 2009 at 6:20 am Leave a comment

So, a couple of months ago I attempted innernets-dating again. Why, when I know it’s the ultimqate in lameness, looks really pathetic, and I don’t even have ny luck? Well, I’m not getting any younger, and booty isn’t exactly falling in my lap. It sucked before, but at least I got a couple of boyfriends out of it, and even if they were douches at least they made for a good story. So, I sent messages to a number of different dudes on OKCupid.com, which is at least the most entertaining dating site that takes itself the least seriously. Of course none of the dudes I wrote to have replied. The only person who has sent a message to me was this 52-year-old guy who wrote:

Make a friend…
maybe a good one.

I ignored it mostly because well, he’s a Baby Boomer and I don’t do those. Also, the “maybe a good [friend]” thing was vaguely unsavory, though I couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. So, a couple of days later, I get another message from the same dude:

Why be an amoeba?
i wrote a totally non threatening email to you.

shame on you.

OK, shaming me for not writing to him. Boy is that h0tt. Way to a girls heart and pants, old guy! But wait, there’s more! A couple of days later he followed up with this:

read

regardless of anything; you seem like someone who should know better about simple etiquette with really awesome people regardless of the photograph and in your case miss perception.

shallow you.

Well just call me shallow miss perception! Seriously, if he thinks I’m going to respond to that favorably, I don’t think so! Insulting chicks is really not the way into at least my favor. Of course this is the ONLY guy who would write to me! (besides the date guy from before who gave me the dis after 2 hours)

The opening line of Old Dude’s profile is this confounding run-on sentence:

i am a professional, cool music driven divorced guy looking to eventually maybe evolve to a collaborator girlfriend & possibly share life with or no commitment dalliance as is often the case in online dating.

Plus, I stated that I was looking for a dude between the ages of 30 and 45. What part of old enough to be my father did he not get?

So thus endeth my newest bout with innernets dating. It was awful before it even really began! Seriously, I’m sick of kissing the proverbial frogs in order to get the prince. Being a cranky old spinster has been my schtick for a while now, I think instead of trying to go against the grain, I should hone it into perfection! I will lovingly wield my old spinsterhood knowing that I will never again have to deal with freaky old losers!

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Entry filed under: un/spinsterhood.

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