Archive for November, 2010

Gladys Messerschmidt is Pissing Me Off.

I’ve been getting emails from Gladys Messerschmidt for a couple of years now. They are always the “Inspirational” variety of schlock that one would expect from an elderly person who has just enough technical skills to hit “forward” on her AOL email program. I think she thinks I’m her friend Dot Dosch (my email address is dotdash after a Wire song), and in the past, I have tried to politely let her know that if she thinks Dot is getting her invitations to, say, garage sales and stuff, she’s not. My original intention was to eliminate any tension between Dot and Gladys, lest Gladys think that Dot is ignoring her pleas to visit certain fundraisers or send emails back so the sender knows exactly how much Dot thinks Jesus is awesome or whatever else. However, my emails go largely ignored, except for one that was sent by Edith, a crony of Gladys’s. (see this old post)

Today’s email (OK one of many of today’s email since I get like 5 of these a day) just kind of pissed me off. Here it is:

gladys fence

Which side of the fence?
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a Republican doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Democrat doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Republican doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Democrats demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Republican reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because he’s “offended”.

Well, I forwarded it. Will you?

My original feeling was that “OK, I’m going to tell Gladys in no uncertain terms to freaking take me off her stupid email list once and for all!” But then i realized that that is exactly what the email predicted.

WTF?

Yes, I’m kind of offended by this email, but not because of what it says. It’s not because I don’t have a sense of humor about things, it’s just because it’s STUPID STUPID STUPID!! Instead, I think I’m going to re-write it.

sensationalist
(note the sensationalist imagery invoking Hitler! Glenn Beck would be so proud!!!)

Which side of the fence?
If you ever wondered how you can eliminate subtle nuances and see the world in simple black and white, this is a great test!

If a Republican doesn’t like guns, he still thinks it’s ok for everyone to own an AK-47.
If a Democrat doesn’t like guns, he would appreciate it if he didn’t get shot for no reason.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he probably belongs to some weird cult.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, it’s probably because he grew up too white and middle class.

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life in the closet and solicits strangers only in airport bathrooms.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he thinks it might be a good idea if teenagers stopped committing suicide over it.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he blames it on Democrats, Socialism and black people.
A Democrat tries to spread the wealth around so poor people don’t take the biggest hit.

If a Republican doesn’t like a talk show host, he shoots his TV.
Democrats roll their eyes and make fun of FOX news, but acknowledge that the First Amendment covers lame stuff too.

If a Republican is a non-believer, he lives quietly in the closet, but goes through the motions for the family on holidays.
A Democrat non-believer grows weary of religion getting shoved down his throat.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he bitches about how Michael Moore is a Socialist.
A Democrat thinks maybe poor people shouldn’t have worse health care than rich people.

If a Republican reads this, he’ll compare the sender to Hitler.
A Democrat will delete it because he’s sick of people sending stupid pointless emails all the time.

Well, I rolled my eyes. Will you?

November 18, 2010 at 5:32 pm 3 comments

Going Stir Crazy

I’m on staycation! Yay! I’ve been psyched about this forever– the Kid and his mom are on vacation in Arizona visiting Grandma, and the dad is in Prague on business. I have so many things I wanted to get done this week! I was going to finally get my car fixed, take the cat to the vet, find a dentist and get a check-up, since it’s been years, build some shelves for the living room, and do a bunch of things around the house.

However, since all my bills came due at once, I am completely broke. Yes, I currently have $8 to my name, which is not even enough to see a matinee as I discovered today. I am really pissed! There is so much crap I wanted to get done! Now I’m just going stir crazy because it’s cold and rainy outside, so I can’t even go for a bike ride. Blargh. I started building a dollhouse that I bought a while ago, but it’s from the company who puts their instructions in Martian, so it takes me forever just to figure out which piece they’re talking about.

I’m really psyched about building shelves! This is my plan:
bookcase plan
Of course, I don’t have the cash to buy materials to build it. I feel like this entire week is pointless. It’s all going to shit with me moping around the house. So far I’ve cleaned my room up a bit, hung up some pictures and made a coat rack. I guess there is always more stuff to get done, but argh. STIR CRAZY!

November 10, 2010 at 5:52 am Leave a comment


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