I just want to say, though it is uncool, that I FUCKING LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!!! Seriously. We had a killer Chanukah bash this past weekend. I made a ton of decorations for it and I ate latkes until I almost puked. I found some inflation gelt (it’s a chocolate bar with a gold shiny $1,000,000 bill printed on it). Dreydls were spun. Sour cream and applesauce were liberally applied to pancakes. Booze was drunk. 2 Live Jews were playing on the stereo. In short, ROCK THE FUCK ON!
Why do I love The Holidays?
1. decorating. I can decorate the everloving fuck out of anything. Seriously. I was born to adorn. I worked nearly 40 hours in 3 days at 4 Seasons, putting up X-mas decorations in lobbies and did it make me burn out on decorating? NO, IT JUST MADE ME STRONGER!!! MUHAHAHAHAH!!! I came home after a long pre-game weekend of making giant bows, sticking seasonal branches spray painted gold into containers of fake pine sprigs and arranging X-mas bulbs in giant vases and what did I do next? YES, I MADE A FUCKING CHRONICAH WREATH! Why? Because decorating RULES! A side note: I am an expert at finding the problem bulbs in strings of lights. Another side note: Tanya claims she doesn’t hate my curb-found multicolored fiber optic acid trip X-mas tree as much as she thought she would.
2. food & booze in copious amounts. Need I say more? Festivity, people!
3. singing. I’ll admit, I totally dig Christmas carols. Not the cheesy ones like Rudolph and Jingle Bell Rock, I mean the old school ones like Adeste Fidelis and O Come Emmanuel. Basically, anything that was written before 1900. It’s my yearly tradition to sing X-mas carols for at least an hour while driving home from Boston to Ithaca every year– at least from Bainbridge to Ithaca. I make Moth and Slug sing too when I get home. Note to self: find a “Messiah” sing-in, those rule. I can sing the crap out of “Life Up Your Heads O Ye Gates” and of course the “Hallelujah Chorus.” However, “How Beautiful Are the Feet Of Them” is totally my jam. I don’t care that Handel’s “Messiah” was actually written for Easter. I’m not a purist. Stuff it, purists!
4. presents. The best one, of course! I’m a compulsive present-giver. I like figuring out what people like and then getting it for them. Thus, for me, this whole month is like crack. Of course, I enjoy getting presents as well. Who doesn’t? I’m shoving my Amazon Wish List in your face now because I’m a jerk like that.
5. My birthday. I know I always complain about how my birthday is on New Year’s Eve and how that sucks because I don’t get presents and everyone is busy and when I do get presents it’s usually re-gifted stuff people got for Christmas (the fondue pot was actually an awesome re-gift, though! You can keep all the shower gel, it just makes me itch). yes, I complain. However, it’s my birthday and a reason to be festive. AND I GET CAKE!!! Cake rules. Seriously. There is nothing more festive than a cake and I will eat the shit out of any cake that is thrust upon me.
And, in the spirit of Chanukah, I made latkes for dinner tonight. We have this giant vat of bacon fat, and we all know how much I love bacon. I thought to myself “latkes cooked in bacon. That would RULE!” but, though I am an atheist, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I don’t fear a deity striking me dead, it’s more like I don’t want my zombiefied ancestors to come back from the grave to kick my ass. And eat my brain. You know they would. I should be so lucky. On my dad’s side they obviously wouldn’t care, unless it was perceived as a Protestant Thing.
Also: see my rant about Holiday Trees because I keep coming back to it in random conversations with people.