Archive for October 7, 2011

The World’s Awesomest Applesauce

Today I made the World’s Awesomest Applesauce. Applesawsomest? Anyway, it was AWESOME. Seriously. I know I overuse that word because I can never think of words that mean the same thing (“fantastic” seems fake, “terrific” is so sticker-on-a-spelling-test, “fabulous” is just… lame, unless you are talking about curtains, “great” isn’t awesome enough, “rad” and “dope” people make fun of me for using…)

I’ve been sick for the past week. The sick food that I like is soup (don’t care what kind; if it’s from a can or envelope that’s just fine) and applesauce. TW & TJ went apple picking and brought home a big sack of apples, so whenever a various housemate would say “do you need anything at the store?” and I would say “applesauce,” they would laugh thinking I was joking. I was not. For whatever reason when I’m sick, I just want applesauce! I spent a good 2 days sleeping and generally feeling like crap. On the 3rd day, I stuffed myself full of cold meds and drove to Woburn (about 20 miles away in the ‘burbs) to go to jury duty. I got lost getting there. Woburn has this common in the middle of town the “bowling green” that I kept getting stuck in the wrong lane for and driving round and round. Plus, my directions were wrong to begin with.

I get downstairs in the courthouse to the lovely humming fluorescently lit room peppered with well thumbed copies of Popular Mechanics and Good Housekeeping and nobody tells me what to do. Everyone seems to have papers in hand that they had filled out ahead of time. I stand in line, filling out one that’s on the table. The lady in charge informs me that I’m at the wrong courthouse, that I should be at the district court instead of the city court or something, but it doesn’t matter since I live in the wrong county anyway. Wait, what? Whatever entity is responsible for sending you jury summonses thinks I still live in Cambridge, which is in… uh… Middlesex? Essex? Sussex? some county that isn’t Suffolk, which is where I live now. So really, why would a Somethingsex county send a jury summons to someone in another county? Wouldn’t they know something was amiss when they addressed the envelope? When I confirmed my attendance within 10 days after getting the summons? When they sent me the confirmation letter and then later on the reminder? This whole time I’m talking to the lady, I’m in a zombie-like state and I could barely croak out responses to her questions. The cool thing that I brought away from this experience is that “summonsed” is really a real word. You are apparently summonsed to be in a jury, not summoned. I don’t know why this word cracks me up so much. Summonsed. Hehe.

Anyway,  I drove home in a  massive traffic jam because half the Nawth Shaw was flooded. 95 was a parking lot and I spent 1/2 hour barely ever getting out of first gear… to discover that I was going North instead of South. What does this have to do with applesauce you ask? Because when I got home I was like, “I’M MAKING SOME GODDAMN APPLESAUCE IF IT KILLS ME!” So I did. It sucked. It was awful because I put no effort into it; I made it like I would make mashed potatoes, but then was too sick to even mash it properly. Boiling the apples took all the flavor out, so basically it was like eating slightly lumpy water. Ah me and my First World Problems.

Last night when I was searching to see if I could watch the PBS Prohibition mini-series on the innernets I happened to scroll past an applesauce recipe that looked interesting. I wrote it down and made it today and HOLY CRAP IT IS AWESOME!!! here’s the recipe:


  • 4 apples
  • 1 cup orange juice
  • 3 tablespoons sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon


Peel and core the apples. Cut the applies into bite size pieces. Heat a medium pot on medium heat. Add the orange juice, sugar, and cinnamon. Add the diced apples and give the mixture a stir. Cover the pot and reduce the heat to medium-low. All the apples to simmer in the liquid for 30 minutes. Remove the cooked apples from the heat. Allow the apples to cool and mash with a potato masher or in a food processor.
So yeah. A W E S O M E N E S S!!! I actually took out the sugar and instead put in 2 shakes of cinnamon sugar.  I figure you can never have enough cinnamon and I don’t like when things are too sweet. It totally erases all memories of Tuesday which sucked gangrenous, hairy wombat balls!

October 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm Leave a comment

Gosh, that Crispin Glover sure talks a lot.

I’m sure every single blog post about Crispin Glover at the Brattle a couple of weeks ago starts like that– I think, after he talked for a while, he said something along the lines of “just so you don’t go writing on the internet ‘that Crispin Glover sure talks a lot…'” before he took more audience questions (that wasn’t an exact quote, just a paraphrase). He *did* talk a lot. However, everything he said was really interesting and entertaining.

Back up. What was this all about?

I spent the 10th anniversary of 9/11 at the Brattle Theater watching Crispin Glover narrate his “Big Slide Show” and then show his 2007 film It Is Fine! EVERYTHING IS FINE!

OK, first I went to Tanya & Terrence’s post-wedding beach picnic on the Cape and then drove home and rode my bike to Cambridge to see Crispin Hellion Glover at the Brattle Theater. More about The Wedding Preparations That Spent Weeks Eating My Soul at another time (probably in a long rambling post that will come after [i.e., above] this one).

You may know Crispin Glover from starring in one of my all-time favorite movies, Willard. I liked Willard because it is about rats. Being born in the year of the rat, I relate well to Buddha’s Favorite Animal (so I’m told the rat was). I even had a pin that said “WWWD?” with the silhouette of a rat that I got from Newbury Comics– I was the only one who had any clue what it meant (and I had been working there the least amount of time)! Had Willard not been about rats would I have loved it so much? What if the eponymous protagonist had been able to communicate with wombats? Would I have liked it as much then? OK, bad example; that would have been AWESOME. What about… horses? I hate horses. Would it have rocked so much? Maybe not, but Crispin Glover has a way of making any movie awesome. Even Back To The Future,  which I am still sore about having to have seen three times against my will (thanks a lot school, welfare camp and then school again for making us watch this movie). Not that BttF was a *bad* movie, just that as an impatient dorky 12 year old I would rather have, I don’t know, watched Monty Python & the Holy Grail for the 800th time or something.

Anyway, Crispin Glover’s slide show consisted of him narrating pages from his books. He’s written a bunch of books, or rather, created books– he takes books, most of them look like they’re from the Victorian era, and changes words around, omits bits and switches things so they become about something totally different. In short, it is SO COOL! It’s that kind of post-modern thing that sounds lame when you try to describe it, but is really nifty when you actually see it. I bought one book called Concrete Inspection that includes… pictures of medical procedures from the late 1800s? Truthfully, I can’t remember, though I read it more than once. I’ve been looking for the book for 3 days now. I can’t remember where I put it. Anyway, as a collector of surgery textbooks from the Victorian era I can appreciate it:

Ok, there’s my Flickr thing, I can’t link to individual photos anymore apparently. You’ll get to see an exciting photo of ELEPHANTIASIS OF THE SCROTUM, as is still the #1 search term that leads people to this blog. I was going to buy the book Rat Catcher, another one of C.H.G.’s books, near and dear to my heart because of the rodent theme, but I didn’t have enough cash on me and by the time I got back from the ATM, it had sold out. Alas.


Holy crap, I’ve been working on this entry for 3 weeks and I still haven’t finished it. Probably because I can’t think of enough ways to say that CRISPIN GLOVER IS AWESOME!!!

His movie was interesting, too– it was written by a guy with cerebral palsy as a sort of 1970s movie-of-the-night thing. As such, the plot was pretty straightforward, the dialogue was basic, and there was a lot of booty. A lot. Now I understand that CHG wants to break taboos, but breaking sexual taboos is the bread and butter of the amateur artist who wants to be “edgy.” Lord knows I’ve sat through enough student and barely-out-0f-art-school performance art pieces for weird visual sexual things to be totally blasé to me. Yes, I’m a jaded, cynical bitch. I hear the words “break taboos of [incest, rape, sex, etc.] and just yawn. Anyway, I must say that the sex scenes in this movie between a wheelchair-bound middle-aged guy with cerebral palsy and young hot chicks was just weird and disturbing enough for me to find kind of fascinating. The whole thing could have been totally tacky, but the stark yet striking art direction, the direction itself, and the soundtrack made it really cool. I’ve lamented the fact that the Allegretto from Beethoven’s Seventh symphony is way overused for dramatic effect in movies. In <i>Zardoz</i> it was just distracting. In <i>The King’s Speech</i> it seemed tawdry and like a cheap manipulative special effect. It Is Fine! EVERYTHING IS FINE! is the only movie in which I think Beethoven worked for and not against the filmmaker’s intentions. There was also a lot of of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker Suite, which was sort of weird at first because you’re used to hearing it either relating to Christmas things, or backing up prancing hippos and such. However, I think it totally worked, too. There was one scene with a girl whose apartment was decorated in arabesque arches and middle-eastern looking décor. She was wearing flowing harem pants, and the music to that particular scene was the “Arabesque” from the Nutcracker.  At the book signing at the end, after I spent 2 hours in line because of course I was dead last (how predictable, me!), I asked CHG about the connection, figuring he had some deep reason for it since he seems like a totally analytical kind of guy. He said he hadn’t noticed that. I was actually kind of psyched that such a weird coincidence occurred! I also asked about his middle name, Hellion, because, as a name nerd, it always struck me as being really awesome. Yes, it is his real middle name. Rock on!

October 7, 2011 at 3:59 pm Leave a comment


October 2011

Posts by Month

Posts by Category