Archive for January 21, 2012

Home For The Holidays

I went back to Ithaca this past Christmas like I do every year and well, like every year, it was very… Ithacan. Here’s a sample conversation.

SETTING: my mom’s car. I am in the back seat with the oblivious nephews, one is frantically texting all his friends and the other one is oddly quiet. Moth is the passenger. Slug is driving. We are discussing how annoying it is that everything has inspirational messages on it.

MOTH: have you seen those necklaces? You know, that jewelry? With that what is it, a heart on it? It’s that actress. You know, the British one. Jean. Joan.

ME: I have no clue what you’re talking about.

MOTH: That one from that tv show. You know, about the doctor. it’s SO UGLY! Seriously. it’s theĀ ugliestĀ stupidest thing ever.

ARI: How ugly is it?

MOTH: It’s so ugly that… that if ROBERT DOWNEY JUNIOR asked me to MARRY him, and gave me one of those necklaces… Well first we’d have to get rid of Doug.

DOUG: yeah, don’t forget that part!

ME: So Robert Downey Jr. helps you hide the body…

MOTH: So Robert Downey Jr. helps me hide Doug’s body… and then he asks me to marry him and gives me one of those neckaces. Medicine Woman! That’s her show. Quinn…

ME: Jane Seymour!

MOTH: THAT’S IT! So Robert Downey Jr. gives me one of those… they’re called “open hearts” and they’re hearts that aren’t closed so you are reminded to keep your heart open or some bullshhh….. bull-oney.

ARI: You almost said the S word!

MOTH: Anyway, I’d be like, “sorry, Bob. I’m gonna go dig Doug up.”

DOUG: Awww, you’d rather be with my rotting corpse than with Robert Downey Jr’s ugly jewelry! Honey, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said!


Yes, my family is kind of insane, but at least they’re entertaining!

looks kind of like boobs and a butt

less preferable than my stepdad's rotting corpse.

January 21, 2012 at 4:59 am Leave a comment


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