Archive for April, 2012

If I could see the world through the eyes of a child…

…what a weird-ass world it would be!

The Kid insisted he wanted a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Nothing else would sate his appetite. Unfortunately, we didn’t have any bread nor did we have suitable cheese. He commanded we go to the store and get some. I figured I could stop at the Dollar Store because I need some fake flowers to complete my half-assed Passover wreath on the door. With little help from el niƱo, I found a bunch of flowers and then found him a giant sheet of stickers and took it all to the counter… to discover that I couldn’t find my wallet. Frantically searching, by the time it was my turn in the checkout line I had determined that I had indeed left it at home (I had taken it out of my purse when I was looking for my insurance card in order to talk to another recorded message about nothing but that’s another story). I told the checkout guy who was less than pleased and then noticed a $20 lying on the floor. My brain being my brain, I told The Kid to stay put and instantly sprinted out the door to give it back to the lady in front of me in line. Did I use it to pay for my $5 worth of Dollar Store items? No, because my brain doesn’t work that way. Everyone in the store was confused. I could see it when I came back for the somewhat bewildered Kid.

So I caught up with the lady and she was happy to have her $20 back.

The rest of the day, The Kid asks, “WHY YOU TAKE DAT LADY’S MONEY?”

I tried to explain that I was giving it back to her, but he is convinced I somehow took her money.

So we go back home and I get my wallet and we go to the grocery store (I decided not to go back to the Dollar Store because I don’t want to have to spend time picking out 5 bunches of flowers that are less shitty than the rest of the shitty dollar store flowers with a shrieking barnacle clinging to me while trying to destroy everything in sight). In the grocery store parking lot is a young woman walking down the middle of the aisles of cars talking on a cell phone. She is kind of weaving from side to side making it impossible to pass her. I say “HEY LADY GET OFF THE PHONE AND MOVE!” but I say it inside the car where she can’t hear. The Kid is fascinated and says “Why you talking to dat lady?” I say “because I want her to move so I don’t smack into her.”

The rest of the day I am also asked,

“WHY YOU TWY TO SMACK INTO DAT WAY-DEE WIF DA CAR”?

So apparently I am now a crazed homicidal driver with a penchant for petty theft.

Great.

April 9, 2012 at 9:06 pm Leave a comment

The Things I Do To Shit

The yearly “we’re going to cancel your health insurance for some random screw-up” waited until March this year! Usually they cancel it in January. For that I suppose I should be excited. However, getting the insurance re-instated is always fun, and requires lots of reinstatement fees and other exciting things. I don’t even remember what caused this year’s mess-up; I think they lost a payment or something, which is not unheard of, especially since I was only able to pay by sending checks through the mail. I wanted to sign up for their online payment service, but when I signed up, they didn’t send me the automated password. When I called to ask them to reset it, they said they couldn’t because I had never activated the password to begin with. When I asked if I could re-sign up, I couldn’t because I already had an account. I just couldn’t log into it. Thus it stayed for 3 years. At least with the latest kicking me out of the program I was able to get a new online account and can pay for things there!

Anyway, after a month and a half of them saying “oh all you have to do to re-sign up is this and wait 72 hours” and then 72 hours later have them say “oh wait, you have to do this other thing and wait 72 hours” and then a third and a fourth thing, I finally have insurance again… in May. My meds ran out a few days ago and I won’t be able to get more cheaply until May first, which is kind of bullshit since I paid for every single month this year so far. ::sigh::

I’m on anti-depressants, which you’re not supposed to go off cold turkey. The worst side effect of these meds is that I can’t poop when I go off them. Do you know how awesome it is to poop? Have you ever thought about how enjoyable and miraculous it is to be able to eliminate solid waste from your body? Probably not, because one never does until one is unable to do perform such a task. Anyway, I don’t care if I revert to being sad and suicidal. I don’t care if I burst into tears because of stupid things, like the printer jams or my shoelace unties and I trip and smack my head. I don’t care about my emotional health. Whatever. I JUST WANT TO DROP A DEUCE!

Last night I had a big dinner at the Ethiopian restaurant in Malden with JJ (aka Crane). As I drove home, I felt the meal shifting in my stomach. Nope, that food wasn’t going anywhere. I drove to the drugs store to see if miraculously something had happened and that the insurance company had meant my coverage was effective 4/1 and not 5/1. No such luck. Thus I forked over $35 for ONE WEEK of meds (it would be $140 for a full month, which is actually way better than the $350 it would have been had the generic brand not become available last week). Hopefully I can get this straightened out before those run out. I’m not holding my breath, though, since the number you’re supposed to call is a recording that directs you to another number, which is a recording that directs you back to the first number. Argh.

April 6, 2012 at 4:29 pm Leave a comment


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