Brain: back to normal?
Maybe it’s the placebo effect, but my brain is feeling much better. I feel like I’m almost back to my old self again. Except… I feel like my old self that was on anti-depressants. That is, not depressed. But then when I’m depressed, is that my normal self, or is it my normal self clouded by depression? Anti-anti-depressant people are always bringing this up.
It’s funny, but is it true? Does depression cause artisticness?
Truthfully? I don’t give a shit, because I feel a whole lot better!
I’M GONNA READ THE FUCK OUT OF “DESSER: THE BEST EVER CAT”!!!
Physically, this trip back down Lexapro Lane is taking a bit of a toll. It feels like my heart is racing. I woke up this morning at 4 a.m. actually contemplating going to the E.R. because elevated heart rates aren’t great. I decided to look on the internet first… which may either calm me down or convince me that I have bubonic plague. Luckily it calmed me down. I took my pulse and it was normal. I just feel kind of wired. I also feel really nauseous to the point where I’ve lost 4 lbs in 3 days. NO LIE. This can’t be healthy! I’ve gone down a hole and a half on my belt. Being a chick, I’m not complaining, but still, nausea is not fun. Terrence made a ginormous pan of bacon this morning and I could only eat one piece and still felt like barfing it up. I still have not had any pumpkin pie that Tanya made last night. Oh well. Could be worse! I feel mentally excellent, so there.
When I went off the drugs due to stupid insurance problems (see a couple of posts ago), I got a weird surge of energy and I’ve kind of been surfing that for a while. I’ve been sewing stuffed animals up a storm and I cleaned my room (I mean CLEANED. Dusted, sorted crap, the whole nine yards) and cleaned and sorted out the vestibule and front hall. I’m kind of worried that I will lose my productive mojo and turn into a lazy tired slob like I was before. Well, we’ll see if that happens. As of now I’m still inspired to do shit. Jo & Stacy gave me a zillion kilos of catnip, so I volunteered to make catnip toys for the SPCA, who apparently is psyched to get them. I’ve also been commissioned to make a vulva-shaped cat toy for Jen, which has proven to be a little challenging. I’m not happy with my vulvar prototypes so far. However, it does lead to some interesting conversations, like… “do you think the labia majora need to be more crinkly?” It cracks *me* up anyway.