Yuletide wisdom from The Kid
KID: What happens if I don’t go to bed?
ME: Then you won’t get to see Santa tomorrow (he’s scheduled to go to a Santa tea party). 48 (his Elf on the Shelf) will see what’s going on and tell Santa, and you won’t get any presents.
KID: I would just yell bad things at Santa!
ME: Santa would put you on his “naughty” list forever! You wouldn’t get any presents until you’re 90!
KID: I would just turn invisible and sneak into his house and POOP ON HIS HEAD!!! Then I would take off my invisible cloak and find a present and just open it!
ME: What if there was a present in it that you didn’t want? Like a ballerina Waldorf doll (his mom is way into these)… or a boring old spatula?
KID: but Mommy could use a new spatula! WHAT IF IT WAS A REAL DINOSAUR?!? It could be a really really big present and inside would be a real dinosaur, not a pretend one. Then I could take it home and tell it about my dreams.
ME: ok, what if it was something broken?
KID:then I would just SHOOT Santa in the face… with a gun that shoots jelly.
ME: then Santa would not only never give you another present, he’d take all your toys away and give them to other kids who weren’t naughty and deserved them.
KID: Then I WOULD SHOOT HIM AGAIN!!! I would CHOP HIS HEAD OFF and get ZOMBIES TO EAT HIS BRAINS!!!
Entry filed under: The Kid.