Mother’s Day Sucks

May 11, 2013 at 7:05 pm Leave a comment

I can always count on my stepmom to say the right thing! When I told her how I was going to be unemployed in September, and how I don’t have any marketable job skills, she said “I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that job thing anymore [she’s retired]. Thank god you don’t have kids to feed!” TRANSLATION: if you starve to death in the gutter, at least you won’t drag anyone down with you! Also: if you starve to death in the gutter, at least you won’t have to care about anyone giving a shit! I love it when people imply that when I have problems, they don’t count because I don’t have kids.

Once I was stressed out around Chronikah; having about 47 people on my X-mas list (this was back in the days when I had to get stuff for step-siblings and their kids plus cousins etc.) I was working overtime at a stressful minimum wage job to make ends meet already. My aunt said to me “I don’t see why you’re stressed out. You don’t even have kids. Explain to me what your problem is. Wait until you have kids and then you can bitch.” Of course, needing to buy presents for YOUR kids isn’t stressful at all! That’s the thing. I like giving presents. I’m a compulsive present-giver. It’s just one of those things. Anyway…

I already have issues with my dad and stepmom considering me a “real” person. I mean, as a female, my role in society is defined by my husband or at least my kids (neither my sister nor stepsister had kids in wedlock to begin with). Since I’ve never had either of these, I technically don’t exist (except when I forget to send cards for the appropriate Hallmark Holidays in which case I’m in hot water).

I’m not one of those anti-kids people. In fact, there was a time in my 30s when I thought I’d like to have a baby. However, since I’ve never had a job that paid more than beans, and have never had a steady relationship, I wasn’t prepared to make the lifestyle changes necessary to make that happen. Also, I was already living paycheck to paycheck, I didn’t think it was fair to subject my slackertude to the next generation. Well, now that I’m 40 and still not married, I doubt having kids will ever happen, so I don’t have think about that at least. I will never be able to afford to adopt kids (you apparently have to spent tens of thousands of dollars to import them from other countries unless you want a foster kid and they generally don’t give those out to poor single women living with sloppy roommates). So I guess I’ll continue not-existing. plus, babies. eccchhhh! I already have spent the last 4 years taking care of the Kid. Seriously, if I never have to deal with potty training and kids learning the word “NO!” for the first time, I won’t shed a tear!

For a time, my dad and stepmom thought I was a lesbian. Dad kept dropping hints like “so I’ve been listening to Melissa Etheridge. I hear she’s a l…. l…. one of the Ladies.” It was kind of hysterical. I denied it at first, but then let it go because it made for amusingly awkward dinner conversation. I’m not sure what the ‘rents make of my boyfriend, but at least they still religiously watch “Ellen.”

Between my dad and stepmom, they have 4 kids, 9 grandkids and 6 great-grandkids. They should just be happy they don’t have to remember the birthdays of *my* kids! Also, seeing as my sister, stepsister and one step-niece all started having kids in their teens while unmarried, jobless and generally aimless, they should be happy I’m not going to hit them up for money!

So, this is my justification of sending my stepmom a card I bought instead of making one. She’ll probably be inundated with cards already, she doesn’t need to be annoyed I didn’t get her a present! (on a side note, I bought her card form Papyrus and it was artsy and expensive and required extra postage. Isn’t it the thought that counts?) Yes, I’m a compulsive present giver, but I just can’t think of anything my stepmom would like that I can afford. Last year I made her a card that she loved, but I am out of creativity. Blame it on my stupid healthcare being cancelled and me being on a 1/2 dose of anti-depressants, blame it on apathy, whatever. At least my cranky grandmother died. Every year I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have to do the mad dash to find the one stupid card that Hallmark puts out every year that says “Nana” instead of “grandma.” Yeah, it’s not easy in a neighborhood where 1/2 the local cards in your drugstore are in Spanish. I had to run all over town, knowing that was my trademark. If I didn’t come up with the “nana” card, I would hear about it! Also, my sister never did anything for her for Mother’s Day. So, although she was grouchy and annoying and didn’t really like me that much, I felt kind of sorry for her. God I hate Mothers’ Day.

ImageI’d consent to scream in one of my various mothers’ ears like this if they dressed aweomely.  like this. Also: who’s freaky leg is sticking out? Is there another kid under there?

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Juice Boxes = the devil The nice thing about Republicans

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Calendar

May 2013
M T W T F S S
« Mar   Jun »
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Most Recent Posts


%d bloggers like this: