Freaking out about nothing?
I realize that I have two modes: panicking about money (the lack thereof) and being totally freewheeling about money. I’m in money-panic mode, but I’m not even laid off yet. I need to find middle ground! It’s annoying though, because it irrationally affects things that are totally unrelated, like one minute I’m thinking OMG THE CAR IS DEAD I NEED MONEY TO FIX IT! and that leads to OMG THE CATBOX NEEDS CLEANING BUT I’M BROKE!!! Everything makes me want to curl into a fetal position and wail like a whiny banshee equally. This is most unproductive. Everything I think about adds another stab of pain to the pit of my stomach, though. Yes, I’m actually getting a stomach ache from all this. It’s that weird sour feeling that comes in pangs in the bottom of my abdominal region. My heart beats faster and I feel like I can’t do anything because it’s all too much. This is really dumb because having money or not doesn’t affect my ability to, say, clean my disgustingly messy room or make my bed. And the freaking catbox literally smells like a thousand asses. Why can’t my rational mind be dominant for once?
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