Archive for November, 2018

Publishing drafts

I have a huge backlog of drafts that are mostly finished. I decided that, since I haven’t written anything on here in 2018, I’m going to try to finish up all the random drafts and publish them. Here’s #1…

There’s something I need to get off my chest. It’s… a BRA! (har har har)

No, seriously. Bras are stupid. Now, before I go any farther, I know you already throwing up your hands saying “BUT I HAVE BIG BOOBS AND I NEED TO CORRAL THEM” ok. I’m not talking about YOU. I’m talking about ME, and my bust is of minimal size, and does not need holstering. No, I’m not body shaming.

Whenever you talk about bras, it becomes this conversation fraught with opinions and accusations. Some women *like* bras. I understand that. I, on the other hand, do not. I find them uncomfortable and annoying “THAT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE WEARING THE WRONG KIND!” you say.

Listen, I don’t care how comfortable a bra is. It’s still dumb. I have to wear an extra article of clothing (which is not cheap, mind you) in order for my body parts to meet some vague notion of decency. In the summer, it’s hot under there! It gets sweaty and the straps chafe. When it’s hot, you want to wear sleeveless shirts, or other items of clothing that are cooler. However, if you do that, god forbid your bra straps show. One is obligated to wear one of these things, but you’re not supposed to let anyone see it.

What happens if you don’t wear a bra? Well, then people can see the outline of your nipples. They may poke out and make extra little bumps in your shirt, and we can’t have that. People stare. Random creepy guys on the subway take this as a sign you are on the prowl (because why else wouldn’t a female wear a bra?) and hit on you at twice the rate. I speak from experience.

Do you know what nobody cares about? Male nipples. Guys can go shirtless pretty much whenever they want. If they are not shirtless, they can wear shirts that reveal the outlines of their nipples all they want. They can wear white dress shirts that are see-through to the point where you can make out some male areola (I know, there’s a dude at my work who wears these with no problems). If anyone so much suggested that a female areola might be seen, there would be pandemonium!

I realize that literally the only reason I wear a bra is because you’re “supposed to.” Maybe I should just stop wearing them and deal with the inevitable stares and creepers.

November 20, 2018 at 7:46 pm Leave a comment

You Can’t Say That On the Radio

I have a bone to pick with radio censorship… so usually they bleep out words that are swears, and also words referring to things that are illegal (drugs, guns in some cases). They bleep out “ass” but not “butt” or “booty,” makes sense– “ass” is a “bad” word. They replace “ho” with “trick” which is puzzling, but sort of makes sense because however weird it is, it’s illegal to be a ho, but not a trick. They replace “bitch” with “trick” which is kind of annoying, but I suppose it makes the cadence and rhyme scheme remain pretty much the same, I guess. HOWEVER, in the song “U and Dat,” they censor out the word “monkey” which refers to female nether regions. WTF? Monkey itself is not a swear word. Are we to believe that ladyparts are illegal or bad? The last time I checked, “anaconda” was OK to say on the radio in reference to dude parts. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MONKEY!?!?

November 20, 2018 at 7:38 pm Leave a comment

Save the women and children!

Dear People Who Are Convinced that Men Are About To Rape Your Daughters In Public Bathrooms,
Lately you have been all in a tizzy about transgender people being allowed to use whatever bathroom they feel most comfortable in. You have come up with a number of reasons for this that just don’t make sense. There are a few points I’d like to make.

1. MALE CHILD PREDATORS ARE NOT GOING TO IMPERSONATE WOMEN IN ORDER TO HANG OUT IN WOMEN’S BATHROOMS AND THEN ATTACK LITTLE GIRLS!

If child predators are focused on attacking children in public toilets, do you really think they are so law-abiding that a gendered sign on a door is going to stop them? Are they really thinking,”OOH THAT KID LOOKS LIKE A GOOD TARGET! Oh phooey, she’s going into the girls’ bathroom. I’m not allowed in there. I’d better go fly a kite or something instead.” This seems unlikely. Also, most rapes and assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. Strangers attacking people is a lot rarer than the nightly news would have you believe.

It seems that it is not necessarily transgender people you are worried about, as studies have shown that the number of transgender people attacking unsuspecting citizens in a public restroom is zero. It is cis-men dressing up like women in order to gain access to bathrooms to prey upon unsuspecting females that you’re so concerned about. So… why are we punishing transgender people for this? Shouldn’t we be concentrating on punishing the offenders, rather than barring an entire group from pooping in peace because a small number of a different group are jerks?  It’s kind of like saying “well, we should get rid of disabled parking spaces, because half the time they are just taken up by able-bodied people who borrowed their grandmother’s handicapped placard in order to get a better space.” Why punish handicapped people just because some non-handicapped people are jerks? Wouldn’t it be better to go after the offenders than to mess up things for the innocent parties involved?
2. All you guys saying “I would totally have dressed up like a girl in order to check out some titties when I was _ (in high school, at the gym, whatever)” in order to justify these laws– you do realize that’s totally creepy, right? you are basically saying I AM A CREEP, AND THEREFORE ALL GUYS ARE CREEPS. Not all guys are creeps. Don’t do this. You are just reinforcing the stereotype that men are inherently all rapists and given any opportunity they would act on their primal instincts, which is to rape and molest every helpless female they see. Look around you, you probably see people of all genders harmoniously walking down the street, working together, and other activities where they are intensely not-raping each other. In making the whole “well *I* would totally do that to view some ladysnatch,” you are basically saying that half the human adult population only keeps his pants on and doesn’t ogle strange women/girls because of a little sign on a bathroom door. Really? I don’t think so. Give yourselves some credit!
3. BUT THINK OF THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN! WE MUST PROTECT THEM!I DON’T WANT STRANGE PENISES AROUND MY DAUGHTER/WIFE!!! AAAAHHH THE CHILDREN!!!
This is actually just a continuation of point #1, but it’s the one we keep hearing.

Assaulting people in restrooms is illegal, no matter what the perpretator’s gender. Assaulting people is illegal in general, whether in a bathroom or not. These laws do not provide carte blanche for sexual assault. Maybe we should concentrate on getting actual rapists off the streets, rather than crying about people who *might possibly* get raped. Most rapes go unreported for a variety of reasons, mostly from a stigma attached to the victim, and a doubt that authorities will take the matter seriously. If a woman wants to report a rape, sometimes she will have to pay for her own rape kit.  Yet suddenly when a group you don’t understand might not be discriminated against, rape becomes something you care about.

 

November 20, 2018 at 6:54 pm Leave a comment


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