Publishing drafts

November 20, 2018 at 7:46 pm Leave a comment

I have a huge backlog of drafts that are mostly finished. I decided that, since I haven’t written anything on here in 2018, I’m going to try to finish up all the random drafts and publish them. Here’s #1…

There’s something I need to get off my chest. It’s… a BRA! (har har har)

No, seriously. Bras are stupid. Now, before I go any farther, I know you already throwing up your hands saying “BUT I HAVE BIG BOOBS AND I NEED TO CORRAL THEM” ok. I’m not talking about YOU. I’m talking about ME, and my bust is of minimal size, and does not need holstering. No, I’m not body shaming.

Whenever you talk about bras, it becomes this conversation fraught with opinions and accusations. Some women *like* bras. I understand that. I, on the other hand, do not. I find them uncomfortable and annoying “THAT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE WEARING THE WRONG KIND!” you say.

Listen, I don’t care how comfortable a bra is. It’s still dumb. I have to wear an extra article of clothing (which is not cheap, mind you) in order for my body parts to meet some vague notion of decency. In the summer, it’s hot under there! It gets sweaty and the straps chafe. When it’s hot, you want to wear sleeveless shirts, or other items of clothing that are cooler. However, if you do that, god forbid your bra straps show. One is obligated to wear one of these things, but you’re not supposed to let anyone see it.

What happens if you don’t wear a bra? Well, then people can see the outline of your nipples. They may poke out and make extra little bumps in your shirt, and we can’t have that. People stare. Random creepy guys on the subway take this as a sign you are on the prowl (because why else wouldn’t a female wear a bra?) and hit on you at twice the rate. I speak from experience.

Do you know what nobody cares about? Male nipples. Guys can go shirtless pretty much whenever they want. If they are not shirtless, they can wear shirts that reveal the outlines of their nipples all they want. They can wear white dress shirts that are see-through to the point where you can make out some male areola (I know, there’s a dude at my work who wears these with no problems). If anyone so much suggested that a female areola might be seen, there would be pandemonium!

I realize that literally the only reason I wear a bra is because you’re “supposed to.” Maybe I should just stop wearing them and deal with the inevitable stares and creepers.

Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

You Can’t Say That On the Radio You are NOT a plant killer!

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