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July 8, 2011 at 5:40 pm Enter your password to view comments.

World Travels, Part Two

The past 2 weeks have been a blur of traveling! I’ll start with the most recent episode first. Jesse (Tanya’s Cousin) and Didi got married this past weekend in Maine. I rode up with Laura & Jack and the Kid. It’s a 5 hour car trip since this was near Bangor. Since Jesse and Didi are big fans of pie, they decided to have lots of pies at the reception in lieu of a traditional cake. Thus Laura spent all day Friday making pies while I occupied the Tiny Terror’s attention. We set off with the car full of pie for the Great Not-Yet-White North around 7:00 and got to the site sometime after midnight. I was in heaven– I was in a car surrounded by pie! Then I realized, wait, I can’t actually eat the pie. Perhaps this was the other place; not heaven!

The festivities took place at a boy scout camp (J & D met there or something, I forget the story), so most of us stayed in the rather rustic cabins there. Now northern Maine has a slightly different climate from Boston’s, something that I must have taken into consideration at some point because I checked the weather there 5 times before I left. For some reason, though, I only looked at the daytime high temperature. I didn’t think about checking the low temperatures, not remembering that they would definitely affect people staying in cabins that are normally used just in the summer.

I stumbled through the pitch black woods to the cabin with Rob after we unloaded the pies, completely disoriented. Jack, Laura & The Kid were staying in a hotel because they really didn’t want to deal with a still jet-lagged baby in these provincial conditions and who could blame them? I, still dressed in my light cotton capri pants and a t-shirt because it had been 70 degrees and sunny in Boston, huddled around the campfire, frequently rotating to expose all sides of my body to the heat, much like one would roast a marshmallow. I finally put on all my 21st century clothes at once (this was a Victorian themed wedding and I had made a dress, more on that later) and climbed into my trusty sleeping bag. Once inside I realized that I had no idea what the temperature rating on the bag was. I inherited it from a former housemate years ago and had only field tested it in summer months, or whilst crashing in buildings featuring heating systems. I discovered fairly rapidly that it is definitely not rated for mid-October nights in northern Maine. I was OK if I scrunched my body into a fetal position with my head inside the bag and then didn’t do things like move, twitch, or breathe lest I expose a piece of body to the frigid pockets of air that were lurking in every fold and crease of the bag. Plus, as I always camped with Pad, and he is a purist, I didn’t bring a pillow. Pillows are for wimps. You stuff clothing into your sleeping bag sack and use that if your dainty little head needs anything at all. Well, it worked fine for my 12-year-old self, but my 37-year-old self woke up shivering at 4:00 a.m. with a major stiff neck from being oddly wedged against the rail of the top bunk and the lumpy zipper of my cotton pants which were the only article of clothing I wasn’t wearing and therefore had stuffed into the sack.

I woke up at 4 a.m. with pains in my neck and specks of cold around my body that threatened to expand should I accidentally sneeze or if the earth rotated or anything. Below me and across the narrow aisle from me my cabin mates were snoring like twin buzzsaws, often in unison, occasionally in harmony. The sounds coming from the lower bunk across the almost person-width aisle were lighter, gentler snores, kind of like my cat’s, only more manic. As I lay there contemplating the chilly absolute blackness, I thought to myself, “THIS FUCKING SUCKS!”

I then came to another realization. I had never been this miserable with sleeping conditions before. Now I have slept in some pretty unfavorable conditions. Always a traveler on a budget, I’ve caught Z’s in my share of doorways, train station floors, airport benches, decks of ferry boats, buses and pretty much any other transportation vehicle out there. I slept on the road in the scrubby, dusty desert when my truck broke down in northern Kenya. I’ve camped all over and crashed on the floors of friends with all manner of crappy, dirty, cramped and loud apartments (my favorite being when I slept on a pile of dirty clothes at a place Squeals lived for a time). I’ve stayed in sketchy hotels, motels, B & Bs, pensiones, hostels and YMCAs all over the world. If your B&B doesn’t have a surly bearded woman grunting while shoving indescribable bread products at you in the morning, you’re not really traveling! –that’s my motto. However, no matter the circumstances, I never really minded because I don’t care about accommodations. I can sleep anywhere. If you get a crappy night’s sleep, you get up the next morning, have a cup of tea and try to find a way to not repeat it that night.

So the fact that I woke up thinking THIS SUCKS was kind of significant. I feel like I’ve reached another one of life’s milestones, like finding a grey hair, paying taxes, or losing a tooth. I have become Old and Wimpy. Maybe this means I’ve grown up? Maybe it means I’m wealthy and used to living the Good Life? At any rate, staying in a bunkbed in a drafty cabin when the temperature is predicted to be in the 20’s is no longer a goal in my book! Needless to say, I crashed the next night on Laura’s and Jack’s hotel room floor.

The wedding itself was really nice! I am notorious for hating weddings. For a spell, when many of my friends and acquaintances were becoming espoused, I made a hobby of avoiding weddings. I am generally not a fan of things involving hordes of people engaging in mass outpourings of trite, sentimental platitudes. However, this wedding was a mixture of traditional and funky hippiness– there was humor in it, and I dig humor. I think I just get twitchy when I am surrounded by people who are taking something really really seriously when I’m not. I mean, weddings in my mind should be fun! They shouldn’t just be exercises in spewing hackneyed statements to people whom you purposely haven’t seen in decades as some tend to be. This wedding was outdoors in the sunshine (it warmed up to the low 50s by then), and the scenery was beautiful. Though rather frosty, Maine is beautiful at this time of year– it was by a small lake and all the trees were turning colors. It was a postcard perfect day (if you disregarded the breeze which seemed to come from all directions at once).

The reception was in the camp dining hall. Being a token single person, I always get put at the Random Leftover People table. Usually this table includes that great-uncle you had to invite to keep family harmony, some co-workers and maybe an old family friend or two. At this wedding, the random folks were actually pretty cool. One chick made her own Victorian-oid garb and she was funny and interesting. Her husband was wearing a vintage military uniform from the 1880s with a kilt. He bought me drinks all night, too. They were pretty cool. Of course I can’t remember their names for the life of me, but they were pretty chill.

The wedding was sort of Victorian themed, so I spent forever making an outfit for it. It turned out that Laura and I were the only ones in full Victorian garb– a few people (like the chick at my table) had made efforts– a blouse here, a skirt there– but I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb. Plus, I have not made an article of clothing since I was a teenager, so it wasn’t holding together that well in places. I do feel like I accomplished something in making it, though. It makes me look like a school marm, but a lot of the fashion of that era has that look.

Anyway… I’m back home now after 2 weeks of travelling. Though I love The Kid to pieces, I’m happy to have a day away from him!

October 12, 2010 at 1:34 am Leave a comment

Protected: Oy vey

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June 29, 2010 at 11:03 pm Enter your password to view comments.

This week needs to bite me (and then get a time out)

In the USA we start the week with Sunday, so I’ll begin there. I had made a plan to go to Lil’ Bitch’s house and we were going to check out a new ice cream place. I sent him an email asking when I should come over. I also called him. I got no reply. Now I know that he doesn’t get cellphone reception in his apartment. However, would it have killed him to walk 2 blocks so he did and tell me not to come over? Also, he now has the innernets in his apartment, so he could have emailed me back. Thus I spent all Sunday waiting around for him. When I got fed up, around 3 or 4, I called up Terrence to see if he wanted to do some porch drinking because it was a good day for such an activity. He said sure (when is he ever not up for drinking?), but he had an errand to run and he’d call me when he got back. Of course he never did. So I spent all day waiting for stupid dudes.

Oh yeah, insurance. It turns out that I didn’t need to wait for a hearing, nor did I need to re-apply. All I need to do is fax a copy of my pay stub to some insurance office. For some reason, they had me down as working at Newbury Comics, but not for Jack and Laura anymore. WTF? It took me long enough to find this out, too. I had to be on hold like 15 different times by cranky people and be transferred to 10 different robots before I got an actual person. Her name was Tawneesha and she freaking RULED. She was nice and she gave me information that was actually useful! However, I still don’t have insurance and my emergency supply of drugs that I got from Lil Bitch’s ex will run out in 2 days.

The kid has been a little hellspawned demon all week, too. He is ten times clingier than usual. He won’t let me do anything that means I am not giving him my 100% undivided attention. However, if I stop, say, reading a book or sitting more than 3 feet away from him and play with him, all he wants to do is bite, pinch, scratch and hit me. He’s not allowed to do these things; each infraction results in a 5-minute time out. Or rather, 5 minutes of him screaming bloody murder until I let him out of the playpen. At this point, he is PISSED and what does he do when he’s pissed? He scratches, hits, pinches and bites of course! Thus the cycle repeats itself. Today he smacked me really hard in the eye with a tupperware container. It did not tickle. Monday he wanted to go outside, but when I took him outside it was too hot and he wanted to go back in. Of course, once inside he got bored and wanted to go back out. Today he took pleasure in earnestly requesting peas (his favorite food of the moment is frozen peas which he even sprinkled on his oatmeal this morning) and then making eye contact, smiling, and dramatically dumping them all over the floor. He’s also falsely been reporting stinky diapers and biting not hard enough to be a real bite, just enough so he can look at me and see what I’m going to do about it. He has been similarly testing me with pinching. I just feel like no matter what I do, I am the enemy. I know the kid is barely a year and a half old, and that’s what kids that age do, but I don’t like feeling like I’m the evil arch-nemesis who must be defeated at all costs. I’ve tried many different approaches to no avail.

I’m roasting right now because the baby next door was crying all evening and it was setting off my baby-alert system so much I had to close the window so I didn’t hear it! I have 3 brains cells whose only function it is to listen for the sound of an unhappy baby in another room (i.e., waking up from a nap, getting into trouble) and I can’t turn them off. They got enough of a workout today with the Little Dude as unhappiness was his main mode, and my brain cells were just tuckered out and my nerves were on edge! I feel bad that he’s so cranky and miserable all the time. I mean, it’s my job to keep him happy. When he’s being an antagonistic little bastard, not only is it kind of irritating, but I also feel like I’m failing as a care-giver (side note: why are caregivers and caretakers pretty much the same thing?)!

We went to the park today and he got really excited about the geese that were hanging out there. “Geese” is a word he can say. He can say 4 words besides “mama” and “dada”, but 2 of them can mean myriad different things (“up” can only mean “up”. “Ka” for “car” usually means only “car,” but when he’s happy he shrieks “ka ka ka!” and when he’s pissed, he growls “kaaaa kaaaaa kaaaaa”)The one that sounds sort of like “Deesh” or “Jish” can be: this, fish, cheese, juice, shoes, toast, toes, sheep, and dish (I think he’s saying “dish”– he likes to play in the dishwasher, maybe that’s where he picked up “dish?” he kept picking up a bowl and saying that). The other word “ees” can be: teeth, please and peas. Now it includes “geese”! Everything with wings was “geese” today– it was cute.

I suppose my week hasn’t been a total loss so far. Monday was hot and sticky and gross, so when I got home from work I put on my bathing suit, got a plate of grapes mixed up a seabreeze and lolled in the pool with my library book. It was freaking AWESOME!

However, my house is so disgusting I can barely stand being in it. It’s really gross in here. It’s so bad that every time I try to clean it I just get discouraged so it just gets worse. Really, it’s like a crazy person lives here. this is the kind of house where you find old ladies who have been dead for a month with cats chewing on their corpses. And speaking of cats, stupid fucking Morrissey has taken to peeing on everything. WTF? I changed cat litters– I got the eco-friendly kind that’s made of pine chips that’s more absorbent than the normal kind. Apparently it’s unacceptable. Grrr.

June 23, 2010 at 2:44 am Leave a comment

Gotta Love Facebook

Facebook seems to be the new place where weirdos, family members, people you haven’t seen since elementary school, people who you met once at a party etc. can get together and annoy each other. There are many instant ways to do this, the old “POST THIS AS YOUR STATUS IF YOU DON’T THINK OBAMA SHOULD KILL KITTENS” statuses, “liking” groups and pages such as the now famous “DEAR LORD, THIS YEAR YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTOR, PATRICK SWAYZIE. YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTRESS, FARAH FAWCETT. YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE SINGER, MICHAEL JACKSON. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW, MY FAVORITE PRESIDENT IS BARACK OBAMA. AMEN.” and the 80 million pages to ban it. For the record, i did not think this page should be banned– sure it’s in bad taste, but once we start banning things that are mildly offensive, there’s no limit to what will go since I’m sure you could probably find someone who is offended by things like kittens and puppies.

Anyway, there’s a lot of Christian ranting that goes on, but thankfully I don’t get too much of it since I don’t have a lot of crazy Christian friends. I do, however, have a crazy Muslim “friend.” I “friended” a bunch of random strangers because I needed more neighbors for this stupid game I’m addicted to (My Town). One of these people is always posting stuff about Allah being awesome and the like. Now, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because she’s Muslim and in general, Muslims don’t get in my face and bug me like Christians do. However, I am not a fan of any kind of fundamentalist religion, be it Judaism, Christianity, Islam or even Buddhism. Wiccans and Pagans have been known to get on my nerves as well. So anyway, am I being a racist jerk when stuff like this really annoys me?

facebook thing

Kufir = “non-believer”
Insha’allah = “god willing”
Afwan = “you’re welcome”

P.S. those aren’t the real pictures that were up on FB.

I don’t know what irritates me more, the righteousness or the bad grammar and spelling. Every religion has people like this, but this chick posts like 800 things a day. It’s not just messages like this, though– she also posts articles of dubious credibility about all sorts of conspiracy theories. She seems to think that the government is about to implant microchips into all of our brains (she posts a lot of things along these lines).

The moral of the story is: don’t friend random strangers, no matter how hard up you are for neighbors in My Town!

On another note, it kind of bugs me that people are freaking out about an Islamic Community Center that’s being planned near the site of the World Trade Center Towers. Come on people, you can’t hold an entire religion responsible for what a few zealots do. The Muslim community is building a center for everyone in order to promote cooperation and community between different religions and stuff. It’s not just for Muslims. People need to chill out. Notice how I’m not saying all Muslims are like the above Facebook Freak, just like they are not all about to strap bombs to themselves and blow up school buses. This world is whack, yo.

May 28, 2010 at 1:57 pm Leave a comment

Fun With Pets

My apartment is a feline vomitorium right now thanks to my lack of a kitchen. Let me elucidate… I don’t have much counter space, so after I made a nice dinner of George Forman-grilled salmon, I had it on my plate and went to balance the plate on the tiny piece of counter I have. It went crashing to the floor, flaking into little bits. I rescued most of it, but the rest got in the carpet and the cats had a fish gobbling orgy before I could even reach for a rag to attempt to clean it up.

Now they are discovering that salmon doesn’t really agree with them and are leaving me gooey little fishy-smelling presents all over the apartment. Oh boy do I love having pets right now!

On another note, I went to Norwood today to pick up a couple of African Dwarf frogs that Dana, this chick I know from Allston was giving away. Norwood is about 30.2 miles away on mostly highway and Google Maps estimated that it would take 39 minutes.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHA!!! I am laughing so hard right now! I’m delirious with laughter! It took me just short of an hour just to get on the non-Boston side of the Ted Williams tunnel! The entire way there I didn’t go more than 40 MPH and most of the time I didn’t even get out of second gear. Oy vey.

ANYWAY, I now have 2 adorable little frogs + 2 “janitor” snails that keep the tank clean.

I’m not sure what to name them. They ARE frogs, so I was thinking Olivier and Fran├žoise. I was toying with Janet the Janitor for one snail and perhaps Jan the Janitor (Yon the Yonitor like Jan Hammer) for the other one. Hmm.

November 7, 2009 at 3:34 am Leave a comment


I’m going to see the Pixies the Saturday after Thanksgiving! I AM SO PSYCHED!!! Pixies fans in Boston have been counting down the seconds until the tickets went on sale (sept. 12). Months ago I made tentative plans with Davey from 4 Seasons and Athena to go. Of course, Davey isn’t talking to me anymore, and Athena made it abundantly clear that nothing is as important as her boyfriend, and thus she was just going to get tickets for the two of them since she didn’t have the cash to pay up front to get tickets altogether or something. Damn I hate that. It really pisses me off when friends acquire significant others and then ignore you until there’s drama in their relationships and they need a shoulder to cry on. Well screw you all! I’m going by myself, I will have fun, and everyone else can suck it! Did I mention that I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED?!?! I probably did. I haven’t seen the Pixies since the last time they came around, which was in 2005, I think. I think I heard thay they’re going to do the entire “Doolittle” album in honor of its 20th anniversary. ROCK ON!!!!!

September 14, 2009 at 6:08 pm Leave a comment

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