Posts filed under ‘teh funney’
I found my first grey hair yesterday! I know I should be bummed out or something, but I think it’s kind of cool. It’s a milestone, like getting your first tooth or a drivers’ license or whatever. I feel distinguished!
Of course I found it on the most annoying day of my plant care career– I think that was probably what turned my hair grey in the first place!
Here’s a boring rundown of my odyssey at the Harvard Business School Chapel…
I get to the chapel and one tree is dead. DEAD. It takes a lot to kill a tree, mind you– trees do not die easily! These trees are in a giant greenhouse-like thing and planted in terraces of dirt like real plants, not in pots like houseplants. So one sweet olive tree is stone dead and the other one (this one is like 20 feet high, the one that died was only about 5 or 6 feet high) is on its deathbed. I freak out and call the office.
The office sends Jill & Luis over to check out the damage, they determine that it’s a combination of too cold (the thermostat was set at 74, but the temperature reads 50) for the delicate tropical plants + some disease.
So I go to water the rest of the plants and discover that my hoses are all gone. In fact, all the hoses in the building are gone– someone has cleaned out the boiler room where all the supplies are kept and there is nothing there… except a little American flag stuck to one of the beams. I get annoyed because the day before was Election Day and Massachusetts had lost Ted Kennedy’s seat to the first Republican senator elected in MA in 38 years. I blame the flag planter!
Anyway, I call the office again to tell them about the hose situation. They said they were sending Davey over with a new hose (the warehouse is only about 3 miles or so away from the chapel). I prune stuff and cut off cold damaged leaves until Davey shows up with the hose.
He leaves and I hook up the hose… and there’s a gigantic gash in it and it spews water everywhere. Meanwhile, it’s getting close to dusk and the chapel’s light switches are locked in a room for which I don’t have a key, not that it would matter much anyway since there aren’t any lights in the main part of the building which is all windows.
Luckily Dave brought 2 hoses to link together to give more length and the second hose was OK. The part that hooks up to the faucet leaks like crazy spewing water all over me and the floor, but that’s fairly normal for a day at the Chapel.
Finally I’m done and I go to clean up all the water… but the mop head is gone. The handle that was sticking out that I thought was the mop was just a handle. There’s a mop bucket, but no mop. Of course! So I spent an hour trying to sop up the giant puddles with a paint-soaked rag I found hanging on the sink.
I go to put away the hose, but of course whoever took the original hoses away also too the reel to wind up the hoses, so I attempt to coil it up myself. Thus I get soaking wet for the second time that day since the hose had been dragged through the giant puddle left by the leaky hose! The hose is one of the industrial kinds that’s really stiff and hard to coil, so I end up wrapping it around a garbage can and securing it with the bungee cord that came around it. It doesn’t look pretty but hey, at least it was over!
no wonder I have grey hair now!
I’ve been reading up on sinning, to find out what it actually entails, according to various religions, in order to see what kind of a sinner I actually am. Basically, this was in hopes that I’d find something interesting because I am basically a boring person and haven’t really done any sinning except for some token swearing and a few cases of fornication.
In fact, I’m boring myself already.
I have tonsilitis, and it’s making me feel icky, so I spent the day alternately sleeping (this made the fasting go by, well faster) and playing on the innernets. There’s this site where you can get virtual makeovers (much better than my Cosmo CD-ROm that I got in the cheap bucket at Micro Center).
What else? I stayed over at Victor’s house for the first time the other day and we did some totally bad acid that did nothing. While I was asleep the next morning, he went out and bought some stuff for breakfast– I woke up and he plopped down two cans of Reddi-Whip and said “breakfast and wheep-eets”. He also says he doesn’t do drugs anymore. OK then! I’m making him sound like some kind of massive druggie, but he’s not. He does smoke, but whatever, pretty much everyone I know does these days. Today he came over and brought me chicken soup because I was sick. So adorable!
I did a lot of stuff this week! It’s kind of amazing, I had a 4-day run of getting out of the house and doing stuff. Thursday night I went to see !!!, which was totally awesome x 1,000,000,000.
Friday I went with Patty to see Zach Galifianakis at UMass Lowell. We got there way early and stood in line with all the students; we were around the oldest people in the crowd by at least 15 years. However, there was one lady in her 40s who was also there, we knew because ZG went into the crowd and “interviewed” people and then picked on them. We sat next to this one beefy meathead who kept yelling things out before the show and trying to get everyone to do the “Mighty Ducks Quack” where everyone shouts “Quack. Quack. Quack” in unison while clapping or something. He didn’t have much luck recruiting people, but he did sure try. Everything he said he said loudly in that “PAY ATTENTION TO ME!” tone of voice that was the equivalent of amp feedback to my ears– they literally buzzed every time the dude opened his mouth. I was both horrified and amused. There was a couple ahead of me who made out the whole time. When they weren’t making out, the buck-toothed girl chewed gum loudly and cooed at her somewhat jocky dude. Ah college students. I’m so glad I’m not one of them. I ride my bike through Harvard every day and see students lounging under trees on the grassy park with their laptops probably reading the notes someone copied for them from the lecture they were too high to go to… and I think to myself, how it might be nice to be one… then reality hits me and I am so freaking glad I never have to write another expository essay again! I’m glad I don’t have to take Freshman English again (I had to take it 4 times total, since each school I transferred to didn’t accept any other school’s English requirement)! I’m glad I don’t have to eat in a dining hall (although the different colors of ambrosia salad every day at SUNY Oswego were kind of nice), work a crappy work-study job, and most of all be in any more debt!
So anyway, back to Zach G. He’s hilarious. Of course, I can’t remember anything particularly funny he said off the top of my head. Here’s a performance he did, he did some of the same jokes on Friday:
After the show, Patty and I ate dinner at this Asian place in Lowell and I had the most awesomest crab rangoons EVER! The rest of the food was awesome too, and they had a tv going where they were showing some kind of reality talent show in Vietnamese. We were the only people in the place. All in all, it was a pretty fun evening.
Saturday I went apple picking with Laura, Jack & Nathan, Tanya, Jess & John, and Patricia and Barney and their two kids Wesley and Penelope. Apparently I’ve been playing Scrabble with Patricia (Terrence sets up 3-player games) for months, but had no idea it was her!
Yesterday I went to Little Bitch’s place in Clinton and we ate burgers and chips and drank beer (yes! He drinks beer again!) and watched movies. We saw “Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist” which was kind of cute as well as “Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves” which is always a good bad movie. It was fun just chilling. I haven’t chilled and watched movies & drank beer with buddies in a long time. Plus, he has an adorable kitten which I spent a lot of time molesting.
Today was a day off and I did pretty much nothing except bake. I should probably clean stuff or do something productive.
I was in this office building in the elevator, when 2 guys in dress shirts and nice slacks came in. They were maybe in their early 20s, clean-cut, one white dude (kinda cute) and an Asian dude (not bad looking either, in that yuppie kind of way) and each carrying a stack of boxes of printer toner cartridges.
Dude 1: what are these anyway?
Dude 2: they’re like… toners.
Dude 1: yeah, but… what do they *do*?
Dude 2: uh… TONE. Duh.
*several moments of silence*
Dude 1: yeah, but what do they like, TONE?
Dude 2: I don’t know, like pictures n stuff.
This completely cracked me up, I’m not sure why. I mean, this world is full of really dumb people, even really dumb people wearing nice buisness attire. However, I’m not used to people of this dumb magnitude trying to appear this buisness-like in a professional setting. it was just… hilarious. They continued their Dude-Where’s-My-Car like banter all the way through the lobby and out the door. This is not what you normally find in a building filled with financial companies… or is it? Maybe this is why the economy is in such a state– Bill and Ted are the ones responsible for your printers!